All of Me
by Odyssion
Summary: [One shot songfic set after 6th book] Raenef IV muses over Eclipse and questions his own existence from outside of time...


All of Me

_Disclaimer:_ The characters of _Demon Diary_ belong to the wonderful people nice enough to create it. The song _'Fragrance'_, the lyrics of which I am using, is sung by Gackt and belongs to whoever owns it (presumably the master himself). I own nothing in here except maybe a little credit for representing an undermined character.

_Author's Notes:_ This will be **very** long and tedious, so skip on ahead if you don't want to get bored. I finally have my own copies of Demon Diary! ^_^. So very happy. Except I don't have the third and sixth ones because they were sold out. *pout* Actually they had one copy left (6th one) and I fought with my friend over who got to buy it but in the end she did and lent it to me first because she's going away (to France/Spain!!!) for which I hate her very much. Actually, about half my friends are either in Ghana or Europe (on school trips), which makes me quite sad. (Plug: . The Ghana Project website. The guy in the pic who's laughing is one of my very cool teachers, Michael. Blame him for all the psychobabble I spout^_^). 

Yes, now back to the topic… the sixth book sucks!!!!! I am sooooooo UBER upset! There was NO kiss (which I was hoping for due to rumours), and the ending was HORRIBLE! Horrible! The only good thing was Eclipse saying, "I exist only for you", and that's about it. Oh, although the "curly-haired little flop of a demon lord" thing made me laugh my head off. It was great. But now I feel sorry for Raenef IV because he seemed so upset and sad that Eclipse betrayed him, which led up to this story. That and the fact that the translated lyrics of Fragrance seemed to fit pretty well. This is just another angsty one-shot (if you've read anything on my other account, you'll know I **love** to write oneshots) since I was feeling sympathetic. Raenef IV's POV, after he's 'banished' but still can see what's going on, etc. Keep in mind that this will probably be totally off once the 7th book comes out (so we'll assume it's AU), but I still have a feeling Raenef IV will come back in the last one.

On a point that may actually sort of matter: some lyrics of the song have been omitted or altered to better fit with the overall feel of the story.

**~*~*~*~**

All of Me 

_//"I don't want my spirit to remain in this world forever… but… I hope that I don't leave with any regrets. I want to live a full life, and continue living it here for a long time… with you, Eclipse."//_

I trusted him.

It's strange and ironic really that the only person I felt I could trust decided to betray me. I would've trusted him with everything… and in a sense I suppose I did. He is still as he was in my mind: cold, dark… beautiful. I can still feel the silky strands of his hair in my hand, hear his voice in my mind. My memories of him are not tainted in the least. But now, from this faraway place, even those memories are distant, swept from consciousness with the passing of a breeze.

**[Unable to detect even my own destination,**

**With a slender thread I gradually draw back to myself**

**The memories which were fading into the wind.]**

I thought I had it all planned out. I was prepared for anything. But somehow his betrayal strikes me in such a way no physical injury ever could. Ironic again that my own flesh and blood, my child, could take everything away from me. A curse of death does not strike fear into my heart. But had that curse included betrayal, a carving of the heart and soul in the most malicious of ways? I am not remorseful for my time cut short. My only remorse, my only curse, had been losing Eclipse.

Yet if we are born only to hurt and die, then why do we exist?

**[When I listened close to the restless voice of my heart,**

**"Why on earth was I ever born?" was what it asked...]**

If given life one should do his utmost to live it out to the fullest, leaving with no regrets. I suppose I learnt that somewhere or heard it once, for it has forever been a part of my mind. Perhaps Eclipse had taught it to me on one of those long-past days. I don't recall exactly, but I know I used to believe in it… once upon a time. I don't take it to heart anymore.

And yet, if hearts are so fickle, why must we be pained by such fickle emotions?

**[Unchanging, the moon gazes down upon me**

**But it has never yet granted me a reply.]**

Apologetic words do not, could not, ever make up for what has been wrongfully done. I've never learned to forgive… but I suppose I never had to. After all, Demon Lords did not forgive, so I had no need for it. Yet here, where time stands still, I think the rules are different. Outside of time, nothing matters. There is nothing for one to learn or do, except to see those still living and watch their lives. All that is left are the faraway memories, and the emotions in one's heart. Emotions that I despise… and emotions that I enjoy despising.

**[Even simple tenderness has grown to be more than I can bear.**

**In such a state as this, I cannot remember]**

I once knew my own identity. All of my life, I was the Demon Lord Raenef, the fourth in a line of Raenefs, and master to my servant Eclipse. But again, none of it matters outside of time… on the other side. By defining myself with Eclipse, I suppose I lost a piece of myself when he was no longer my servant. The name of Raenef died within me, and my soul let go…

Perhaps it's wanted to all along.

**[Even so slight a thing as the name I once held, and yet**

**There is still nothing I can do to resolve it all...]**

I gaze up at the moon, its mask the same pale face that has always watched over me. I suppose that somewhere between all the memorization of incantations, attending of meetings, and pillaging of villages, I started forgetting what it all really meant. I thought the greatest gift a master could give his servant was his trust… or so Meruhesae told me once. Was she manipulating me to see my pain? Ironic again that Eclipse placed his trust elsewhere… right before my eyes…

I can see them together, happier than all the world. I don't think Eclipse ever smiled for me. I suppose I had never asked him to… but then again, neither had** he**.

**[Unchanging, the moon still lets **

**The rain keep falling so quietly...]**

At the final moment, I couldn't resist going to him one final time in my childhood form. I guess I was trying to hurt him for his betrayal, grieve him one last time. I hated and cared for him all in that one moment. 

_//"In the end… did you choose the future, Eclipse?"//_

At least I was still somewhere in his heart. He may still have loved me… but not enough. And I left before he could respond, because I didn't want him say the words. Hearing them from him would've taken what little piece of me I have left.

My beautiful Eclipse.

I told him that I would never forgive him for what he had done…

And I never will.

_// "If I should die like this, Eclipse, I want you to know… I will never forgive you for betraying my trust."//_

But yet… he still has all of me.

**~*~*~*~**

**_OWARI_**


End file.
